Ask this and see things move forward

Ask this and see things move forward

I believe people are genuinely good at heart!

Not all people may see the world this way, and that’s okay; neither did I! From early childhood, your parents, teachers, and friends prime you to be cautious. Watch this and watch that, don’t do this and avoid that. Moreover, you’re told that life is hard, a battle, often a struggle; and that the pursuit of happiness is crazy. “Life just won’t look like that – it’s hard”, period! Furthermore, when you try to challenge this thinking – people think you’re the crazy one!!! LOL

Remember that looking at life this way is a personal choice! In my previous blog, I shared that whatever you shine a light on only gets brighter! Said another way, if you look for the hair in the ointment, you will eventually find it!

The good news is, this type of thinking is learned. I don’t believe you’re either born happy or born miserable. I do, however, believe the way you look at life is a discipline, and like a muscle, it must be exercised. It also has a lot to do with your surroundings. As the saying goes, show me your friends and I’ll show you your future!

Whether you’re leading, coaching, mentoring or parenting, sometimes you’re faced with individuals who don’t see the world the same way as you do! In fact, some will even go the extra mile to prove you wrong. The good news is that you’re not alone, it happens to all of us and what you do in return is the game changer!

For me, when people don’t agree with me, or worse, try to challenge the way I choose to live my life, I often ask them one question:

What do you need from me?

I find this one question to be very profound and often results in win-win for all! Personally, I get to learn about that individual from an enquiry standpoint. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong?” which typically doesn’t move the conversation forward, I now ask, “What do you need from me!” The results are powerful, but often don’t happen right on the spot. If the individual is finding it hard to answer, give them time to think about it and schedule a time in a day or so to discuss. The key here is to listen to what’s challenging them and have an open dialogue. The learning you gain is priceless.

What I love most about this question is that it sets clear expectations and allows communication to flow, not to mention it has a forward momentum!

The next time you’re stuck, try it out and share your outcome in the comments below. Your insights just might help someone who’s feeling just like you!

Tony Gareri

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  1. Such a great simple question it’s brilliant! Love it! You’re so right – this allows someone to feel supported, to really figure out what they need instead of focus on what’s not working! Awesome tip – game changer! Thanks love the blog & vlog rocked!!

  2. Like Giuditta says, it is Brilliant! Funny enough, I was looking at my fiancee while he was peacefully studying the back of his eyelids (lol) and thinking about some of the stress he is currently going through with his business and health. I support him fully and I actually thought to myself, I will ask him what he needs from me to help him through this. And then I read your blog! It makes sense – as humans, we are quick to offer advice and do what we think is best but we really should be asking what is it that the other person needs from us to help them through a stressful time in their life or reach a challenging goal 🙂 Perfect Timing! Thank You!

  3. Great post – thanks for sharing – I use this phrase all the time. I am so grateful that I have been filled with positive thoughts always!

  4. Bill Zolis Says: February 3, 2016 at 10:17 am

    That is a great question. It really puts the other person on the spot. Most would not expect that question and would bumble through their thoughts not really knowing how to answer the question.

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